


Code Blue

by Flantastic



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies)
Genre: Drunkenness, M/M, Mission Fic, Singing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:55:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25247242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flantastic/pseuds/Flantastic
Summary: James is called out on a very very important mission.
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Comments: 35
Kudos: 147
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	Code Blue

James was spending a rare night home alone when the phone rang.

He had completed his mandatory seven days down time after returning from his last mission and was now technically on active service again. Ready and willing to drop everything and run to the beck and call of queen and country. He picked up, expecting to be told a time he would be expected in Vauxhall to pick up his kit.

“Bond.”

 _“Code Blue. The Queen’s Shilling, Pimlico.”_ The voice said.

“Understood. Fifteen minutes.” He responded. He hung up and went to the bedroom to get changed out of his dressing gown and into something more formal. Within five minutes he was in the car. He raced towards the pub as quickly as he dared. He knew it well. It was a favoured haunt of MI6 staff, a grotty, run down, cheery establishment known for its good food, good ale, challenging quizzes and godawful karaoke nights. He gripped the steering wheel firmly, gritting his teeth, and wondered what he was going to have to deal with once he got there. He parked the car in the alley to the side of the pub and steeled himself, preparing himself for whatever horror lay in wait for him. He pushed open the door and was assailed by a terrible caterwauling. A moment later, he recognised it as a song he knew.

_“Bittersweet memories,  
That is all I'm taking with me,  
So goodbye, please don't cry,  
We both know I'm not what you, you need…._

_AAAANNNNDDD IIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYIIIII WIIIIIIIIIILLLLL AAALLLLLWWAAAAYYYYYYYSSS LLUUUUUURRVVVVEEE YYOOOOUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOUUUUUU…..”_

James froze, fighting the urge to just flee from Q’s terrible singing, but he knew R and the entire staff of Q-Branch would never forgive him. ‘Code Blue’ had been implemented by R, with Mallory’s blessing (and without Q’s knowledge) a couple of years previously. Q had become overly stressed when he first took on the role of quartermaster and it was R (a formidable lady of an indeterminate age who had been in her role for more years than anyone dared to count) who had noticed that he just wasn’t very good at relaxing. Q had been too worried that, should he let his guard down or get drunk in public with the rest of his team, he would leave himself vulnerable. From then on, R had made a point of engineering staff nights out and every time Q had ended up having more than a couple of drinks an agent had always ‘just happened along’ who could escort him home.

Flight response suppressed; James went to the bar and ordered himself a whiskey. A moment later, R appeared at his elbow.

“Commander Bond.”

“Ms Collins. Drink?”

She asked for a white wine spritzer which he, in turn, ordered from the barman.

“He’s not the best singer, is he?” She asked, wrinkling her nose.

“How many has he had?” James asked as he paid for their drinks.

“Best guestimate? Many.” She said, taking her drink and raising the glass to James in salutation. 

“It’s a good job he probably won’t remember any of this in the morning.” He commented.

“You missed the highlight too.” She leaned in conspiratorially. “He was singing 'Copacabana' earlier…”

“Christ.” James muttered.

The song ended and Q wobbled down off the stage. He grabbed his drink off one of the little round tables in front of him and then spotted James at the bar. He weaved his way over.

“It’s James!” He exclaimed. “Hey everybody, it’s James! James! What are you doing here?”

“Night off. Thought I’d pop out for a drink or two.”

“So you popped out and then popped in here! What are the odds?” Q asked, grinning.

“R mentioned she was going to be in here and I owed her a drink for sorting out my Walther for me after I cut my hand and the recognition software stopped working.”

“Shhh!” Q said very loudly and unsubtly, pressing his finger to his lips. “You mustn’t talk about the you-know-what in here!”

James mimed zipping up his mouth.

“Mum’s the word.”

Q giggled at that and then his ears seemed to prick up when the next singer’s choice started playing on the karaoke machine.

“'Whole Lotta Rosie'! Fuck yeah!” He scampered off to the side of the stage where James could see a number of Q-Branch staff standing and chatting. Q started to talk to them, flinging his arms around and randomly singing along raucously with the lyrics that he knew.

“I give him another fifty minutes. An hour, tops before he crashes. He’s been running around like a kitten with the zoomies for over an hour now. He’ll wear himself out.” R said fondly.

“He won’t last that long.” James replied.

James found a bench seat to the side of the room and chatted with R as they watched Q enjoying himself. She was an extremely intelligent woman and he always enjoyed her company. It turned out he knew Q better than her though. Thirty-seven minutes after he left them, Q staggered back over and plonked himself down next to James. He rested his head on the back of the chair and then turned it to look at James.

“You still here?” He asked, squinting slightly.

“I am.” James smiled. “You’re doing well.”

“Fucking knackered,” Q admitted and then frowned, “and quite pissty-poo. In fact, I feel extremely fucked, if I’m honest. Good job I’ve got tomorrow off. Drunk on a school night. What would mother say?” He burst out laughing at himself and James couldn’t help but join in.

“Is this the point that I should offer you a lift home?” James asked.

“Well, that depends.” Q said, his eyes narrowing.

“Oh?”

“Have I got time for a quick kebab before we go? Only there’s that place down the road does the most amazing chicken shish…”

“You have if you don’t mind eating it before you get anywhere near my car…”

Q nodded.

“Absolutely. I can do that. I’m bloody starving.” He jumped up and then promptly wobbled again alarmingly. James instinctively reached out and grabbed the back of Q’s waistband to steady him, making the younger man laugh. “Oi, cheeky bastard, get your hands off!” He waggled his eyebrows. “I’m not that kind of boy but I might be after I’ve had my kebab.” He winked and then giggled to himself as he wrestled himself into his coat. James looked at R who was sipping her drink looking amused.

“I think you’ve got your hands full tonight.” She commented.

James rolled his eyes and then followed Q out of the pub. He strode off, weaving comically towards the kebab shop. One man at the front counter greeted Q like an old friend.

“Hey! Chicken shish, no tomatoes, extra hot sexy sauce and a can of Fanta!” He bellowed in greeting, already putting the pitta bread on to warm. Q merrily said hello and groped in his pocket, coming up with a five-pound note.

“I’ve got the twenty pence here somewhere…” He muttered, groping around again.

“Hey no worries, I know you’re good for it…” The man insisted before James produced a coin from the small purse he kept in his coat’s inside pocket. He handed it over. “Hey look, your boyfriend has it. I like this one. You can keep him.”

“Oh no, we’re not…”

“Isn’t he ADORABLE?” Q exclaimed, slinging his arm around James’s neck and planting a kiss on his cheek. “Buying me dinner!”

“Buying you twenty pence-worth of dinner you mean?” James asked as he gently steered Q towards one of the little Formica tables that lined the front of the shop. “You. Sit. Stay. Behave.”

Q grinned cheekily and James went back to the counter to collect his food and can of drink for him. He put it down in front of Q and then sat down opposite him to watch him as he started to devour it. Q took a big bite and groaned.

“Oh my God.” He moaned, his eyes closing in ecstasy. “How are these so _good_?”

“I have literally no clue.” James said. He tried not to grimace as Q ate steadily. Greasy, spicy chicken wasn’t his idea of a good meal when drunk but then he tended not to eat at all when he was three sheets to the wind. It seemed to do the trick for Q though.

“’s better than sex!” Q exclaimed with his mouth full.

“You must be doing it wrong.” James said dryly.

Q managed to eat the whole thing, washing it down with the fizzy drink, in less than ten minutes and he didn’t quite manage to suppress the enormous belch that followed. Afterwards he sat back.

“That was so good.” He repeated. “I could eat that again.”

“You really couldn’t.” James said. “Come on, it’s time I got you safely home.” He stood and picked up Q’s rubbish for him to put in the bin. When he turned back, Q was struggling to stand. He took his hand and helped him up. Q stepped forward and slid his hand around James’s waist. James was surprised at the little show of affection from Q but he put his arm over his back to hold him as he escorted him out to his car. 

When they got there, James leant Q up against the front wing and unlocked it. He quickly rooted through the glove compartment to extract a small packet of wet wipes. He took one out and then went back to Q. He glanced up the alley towards the pub to see if there was anyone that they knew close by and then started to wipe the residual grease off Q’s fingers.

“I didn’t know it was going to be you tonight.” Q said softly.

“And there was me thinking that I was going to get a quiet night in with the cats with you out on the lash.” James replied, smiling as he worked.

“Do you think R realises that I know what she’s been up to? Getting an agent to escort me home every time I get pissed up?”

“I shouldn’t think so.” James said, tenderly wiping a little bit of sauce off Q’s cheek. “She hasn’t managed to notice that we’re married yet, has she?”

“That is very true!” Q exclaimed. “I’m going to tell her right now!” He made as if he was going to march off up the road towards the pub.

“Oh no, you don’t!” James laughed, catching his wrist easily and playfully dragging him back towards the car and opening the passenger door again. “In you get please, Mr Bond.”

He made sure he was properly seated and his seatbelt was secure before closing the door for him and then trotting around the vehicle to get in behind the wheel. He started the engine and Q cheered.

“Wahoo! Home, James and don’t spare the horses!”

“Oh God…” James muttered, wondering if Q was still going to be hyperactive or if he would be fast asleep by the time they got home. Either way, James had a feeling that he'd end up carrying him.


End file.
